Have you tried Oreo Thins? They’re just like the name says: Oreo cookies only at least 50% thinner. Now, you might be thinking what the fuck is this some kind of diet Oreo? Let me explain. Oreo Thins are just better than the original Oreo cookies.
Why, you might ask? How can this be, you might exclaim? It’s simple. They just eat better. You can put a whole cookie in your mouth and eat it–all very comfortably. At no point do you feel like you have too much cookie in your mouth as you would do with the original item. And you don’t have to bite it in half as many people do with the original cookies.
Biting an Oreo in half is one way to solve the problem of it being just a bit too much to eat all in one go, but there are others. In fact, it is my belief that splitting the two chocolate wafers from each other began because it was just easier to eat one wafer at a time. And doing it this way left no crumbs, which is an improvement on the just bite it in half method.
Bullshit, I hear you say. The only reason anyone has ever split an Oreo cookie down the center is to eat the sweet, sweet cream filling independently of the chocolate cookie wafers! It is true that splitting the Oreo this way allows one to eat the cream filling first, but this is only incidental. The original impetus to split it was that it just eats better that way.
But this method introduces some new problems. If you split it and just eat one half after the other, you often find that one of the halves has the cream filing stuck to it and the other half has virtually none. I don’t think I need to go into detail about why this is an inferior cookie experience.
Aha! You say. Eat the filling separately and then each of the wafers is the same! To this I say fuck no. I do not want a “deconstructed” Oreo cookie, I want a fucking Oreo. This is no solution at all, to say nothing of the fact that it’s gross. No one over the age of 8 should be allowed to eat one this way. No, I want the competing flavors and textures of the entire item and I want to eat them all concurrently as God intended.
Enter the Oreo Thins. You just eat the whole cookie. There is no need to break it or deconstruct it or even dunk the whole think in milk until soggy. You just eat it and it is good. Also, the new thinness of the cookie wafers make them somehow crispier and less mouth shredding than the originals.
Oreo Thins are the superior cookie technology. That’s just science.