I was just reading this fascinating article about people with an aversion to white condiments. I get where they’re coming from although I don’t have quite so bad a case as they describe. My aversion is reserved solely for that cold French mother sauce, mayonnaise.
I don’t like the way it looks. I don’t like the way it tastes. And, worst of all, the world uses way too much of it. I cannot, for example, bring myself to order a sandwich without first checking if it is made with mayonnaise (almost all are) and considering either asking for it without or asking for it “lite.”
Yeah, that’s right. Sometimes I order “EZ mayo” so they put in about half of what they would ordinarily put in. That can make it tolerable. Why not just go without completely? I sometimes do. Especially if I can’t trust the establishment to know what “EZ” really means. But the truth is, I get it. I get that mayo gives you good “sandwich lube.” It gives you that unctuous, fatty mouthfeel that you want. And you just need to have it in things like tuna salad or chicken salad. (I love both.)
It’s just that y’all use too much! All a y’alls!
Also, if I’m being honest, I can’t stand to even handle the stuff. Even pulling a heaping spoonful out of the jar grosses me out.
Surprisingly, I do like both tartar sauce and ranch dressing. Go figure.
So do I just eat dry sandwiches? Sometimes. But I almost always have a tub of whipped cream cheese in my fridge as a substitute. With a little cream cheese and a little mustard, I’m in ham and Swiss heaven.
Thank you for coming to my Ted talk. Next time let’s get into tomatoes!