This afternoon I started to feel pretty good about this not smoking thing. I mean, not just in a theoretical sense. Not just because it was good for me or that I was saving lots of money–but because I felt for the first time like I was winning.
I felt like smoking a few times this morning. Ten minutes before an important meeting. Immediately after said important meeting. Maybe once or twice at the conclusion of one task and before starting another. But then at some point in the afternoon I kind of forgot about it for a while. Maybe this is just how long it takes. Maybe it takes until mid-day in the middle of the third week to feel good about what I’m doing rather than fretting over how difficult it is or longingly daydreaming about giving up.
The first couple of days I was just in a dazed shock. Day three things got hard. And since then it’s just been a daily struggle to maintain my commitment, wondering how long I could hold out before I surrendered. And I would eventually surrender because feeling like smoking all day long while not smoking all day long isn’t sustainable, long-term.
Maybe I just had a good afternoon. Or maybe it’s a turning point. I’m optimistic.